I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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