Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
