having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
