She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize