ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
