hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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