all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
