why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
