He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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