If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
