He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
