small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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