so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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