I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
