I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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