The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
