Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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