Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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