Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just gargled with NyQuil
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
