I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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