I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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