im six kinds of drunk right now
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
