One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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