so explain again why im purple
no
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
