He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
