That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
