Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize