remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
