I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize