I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
