doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize