people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
