Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
