If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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