Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
