i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
