I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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