; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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