oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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