): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
