$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
