Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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