it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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