I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
