don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
