I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
