foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
