Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
