I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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