I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
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