i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
