Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I could fuck to npr.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
