i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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