I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
