i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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