Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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