I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
sex in a hospital.. check
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
