question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
