There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
