batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
