I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
