i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Come see our sink grown plant.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
