he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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