this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize