Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
